Proffessor Lazy

“Professor Lazy is on the way” echoed Jerry’s brittle voice from the end of the hallway and everyone immediately scampered to clear up the much they could of the mess we had made and get a seat for the two hours lecture. I had made one of the most provocative of all the messes; a painting of the professor Ndubuisi ‘Lazy’ butt naked in front of a class. My painting was second only to Jerry’s which had the professor and the head cleaner both naked doing what I would rather not mention.
Professor Francis Ndubuisi is my chubby bald headed arts lecturer; he was nicknamed ‘Lazy’ by BB, Jerry’s cross-eyed girlfriend. He had a way of making us do his work for him, hence the name. He has one of the impressionist paintings I submitted to him as assignment hanging on his sitting room wall, he also has one of BB’s unclad portraits in his bedroom; we had all agreed that he jerks off to it every night.

“Your class looks unusually tidy today” he said as he surveyed the room hoping to sound funny. He set his bag down on the table and looked round the class again; he motioned to Bill, our class representative to come. He whispered something to Bill who left the class and returned with a box which he set down next to Lazy’s bag then took his place in the front seat.
“Today, I will make an exemplary landscape painting right before you all” he said as he peered through the top of his half moon glass waiting for the impact of the news to sink in. The class erupted; we were excited, we had waited for this all semester, we all wanted to know what skill he possessed to qualify him as a professor. He looked around the class again, this time he was actually looking for something. “Has anyone seen two black oil painted boards? I prepared it for the painting.”
It took the class sometime to recover from the deep silence that had consumed it following the drop of the professor’s last sentence. Jerry and I exchanged apprehensive and enquiring glances. The black boards in question now contain obvious pictures of him in very ludicrous manifestations. While I had assumed that Jerry prepared the boards as planned, he equally assumed that I had prepared it since he didn’t; we were in a quandary.
“Oh, there it is.” He had spotted the two boards with the side containing the painting facing the wall, he moved to retrieve it. On cue Jerry and I stood and moved briskly out of the class leaving every other student unable to repress their laughter. From an earshot distance, we could hear him threaten fire and brimstone.
We are here in the vice-chancellor’s office, Jerry and I; he had asked us to write a report. This is a truer version of the report, we are still thinking up what story to tell the vice-chancellor.

©Offia-chuku John N
(Cardinal) 2016.