Are you still running with your New Year Resolutions and Goals or have you abandoned it the same way you did last year, with a mental note to go at it again next year? Do you even still remember what the resolutions are?
We humans didn’t start making New Year Resolutions today, we started a very longtime ago, usually with hopes of improving our lives going into the New Year. However, according to research, by the beginning of February every year, about 80% of new goals have been abandoned. The most common reason for this is self-sabotage.
An abandoned resolution may not seem so harmful, but habitual self-sabotage can be malignant to your success in life. Self-sabotage is so common that it’ll be so difficult to find anyone who hasn’t experienced it in any form, one way or another.
Most people think of self-sabotage in terms of consciously scuttling their chances of being productive or successful. The truth is that self-sabotage belongs more in the subconscious realm. No, you do not go about deliberately looking for and doing things to hinder your success. You do them without realizing it.
What is Self-sabotage?
I came across several definitions for self-sabotage, most of them are either too worded or too complex for what I have in mind, so I came up with something simple and direct. Self-sabotage is when you say you want something and then go about with a pattern of thoughts and behaviors that create obstacles to make sure that what you want doesn’t happen.
How do you know if you’re sabotaging yourself?
Like I said, Self-sabotage resides in the subconscious realm, rooted in counterproductive mindsets and habits. So you may have to dig deep beyond the conscious to get the whole picture. Here are some signs/behaviors that show that you’re self-sabotaging.
Procrastination
Indecisiveness
Negative self-thoughts
Negative self-talks
Fear of failure
Avoiding responsibility
Making excuses
Fear of success
Obsessive perfectionism
Imposter syndrome
Why do you self-sabotage?
The primary cause of self-sabotage is fear. Self-sabotage is a mental response to fear in order to protect you from discomfort. Fear of all kinds drive anxiety and force people to thinks in terms of worse-case scenarios. Negative beliefs about yourself, others and the world can drive you into self-sabotage in an attempt to avoid rejection and failure. This sense of danger and negative beliefs often come from childhood experiences.
How do you stop Self-sabotaging?
Analyze the patterns: Make out time to reflect on your thoughts and behaviors. Be honest in identifying your negative patterns, write them down (I assume you already know the benefits of writing things down), analyze them to understand where they are coming from. You can’t fight an enemy you don’t know.
Work on your beliefs: One of the most potent laws, the law of belief says that whatever you belief, with conviction, becomes reality. This law not only puts belief before reality, it implies that belief creates reality. Even the bible says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Create a new self-image based on positive beliefs and behave consistent with that new image. I didn’t say it will be easy but it’s that simple.
Replace negative habits: When you have identified and analyzed your negative behavioral patterns, start replacing them with alternative positive habits from your new found positive beliefs. You can get a book to list out your self-sabotaging behaviors then write out the alternative behaviors to replace them with.
Eating an elephant: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Self-sabotaging has probably been a pattern of yours for a long time, it’s going to be difficult to change that pattern overnight. Take it one bite at a time. Habits are most effectively changed in small steps.
Affirm yourself: This is probably the most important step. Your inner critic is a prominent factor underlying self-sabotage; entertaining the “I can’t” thoughts and the rest of them. Look out for those negative internal dialogues and change them to positive self-talks. Develop an accepting attitude toward yourself, acknowledge your emotions and accept past errors as part of the human experience. Most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism created by your brain to protect you from pain and discomfort. You already see that it’s not serving you well, you need to make a transition. So stop sabotaging yourself. And I will too.
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