Everything we do is driven by something. Some of our actions are driven by love. Some are driven by hate. Money is also a powerful driver. Some people also act based on their religious sentiments.
I was recently reminded of another powerful driver, Fear. Having the opportunity to meet with a lot of people from different walks of life on a daily basis, I peer into the psychological depths of many of them and see all kinds of emotions on their faces. One thing that is constantly reoccurring and almost impossible to ignore is Fear. These faces are adult faces, so the fear I see is not fear of the dark or of monsters. It is a fear that paralyzes us to act.
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? That’s the fear I’m talking about.
FEAR OF FAILURE
We have different definitions of failure simply because we all have different belief systems, values and benchmarks. What one person considers failure might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.
Fear of Failure is so restricting it keeps you from trying, creates self-doubt and stalls progress.
CAUSES OF FEAR OF FAILURE
Fear of failure can be linked to a number of causes ranging from having critical and unsupportive parents to past traumatic experiences. A few of them is outlined:
Childhood Experiences: Hyper-critical adults force children to internalize damaging mindsets especially by setting fear-based rules. These children grow into adults and carry these negative feelings resulting from being routinely undermined or humiliated. They carry a desperate need for validation all their lives and become overtly conscious of making mistakes.
Over-personalization: Our ego may lead us to over-identify with failures, and it becomes difficult for us to look beyond failure to see things like growth opportunities and quality of effort.
Perfectionism: Perfectionism is a willingness to try only those things you are certain that you’ll finish perfectly and successfully. It is often the root of the fear of failure, especially for people who are considered brilliant. For perfectionists, failure is so terrible and humiliating that they prefer not to allow themselves try new things. Stepping out of their comfort zone becomes a dread for them.
False Confidence and Low self-esteem: A truly confident person knows he won’t always win, yet he remains positive and keeps trying new things. A person with fragile self-confidence avoids risk. They would rather play it safe than try something new. They commonly use negative statements like “I’ll never be good enough to….” Or “I can’t do…”
SYMPTOMS OF FEAR OF FAILURE
· A reluctance to try new things or get involved in a challenging projects.
· Self-sabotage and excessive anxiety.
· Procrastination.
· Low self-esteem/Low confidence.
· Perfectionism.
EFFECTS OF FEAR OF FAILURE
· You miss out valuable opportunities.
· High achievers become losers.
· Loss of creativity.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF FAILURE
We have to realize that in everything we do, there’s always a chance that we will fail. Facing that chance, embracing it, is courageous and gives us a fuller, happier and more rewarding life.
So, we must take practical steps to get rid of this fear.
Find out the Source of the Fear: Ask yourself what is the root causes of your fear. Which of the causes of fear of failure resonates with you?
Find where it’s coming from and try to understand it as an independent observer. It could be from a past experience or a deep seated insecurity. Naming the source of fear takes away some of its power.
Analyze all Possible Outcome: Being uncertain about what will happen next is something we face on a daily basis and it can be terrifying sometimes. A lot of people experience fear of failure because they dread the unknown. You can address this fear by taking time to visualize (not worry) the possible outcome of your decision. You’ll feel better when you’ve already had a chance to mentally prepare for what could happen.
Be Positive: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right” ~ Henry Ford.
You believe what you tell yourself. Your internal dialogue has a huge effect on how you react and behave. Positive thinking is a powerful way to build self-confidence.
It is up to you to identify your negative self talk and what triggers it. Replace your negative thoughts with positive facts about yourself. By doing this, you’ll create new mental scripts that you can reach for when you feel any form of negativity creeping in.
Look at the Worst Case Scenario: There are times when the worst case scenario can be truly disastrous. However, most of the times it isn’t so bad and it won’t be the end of the world, understanding this helps a lot.
It’s important that we find out how bad the worst case scenario is in the grand scheme of our lives. Sometimes we give situations more power than they deserve. Even in the worst case scenario, there’s always an opportunity for growth.
Have a Contingency Plan: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. If you’re scared of failing at something, having a backup plan can help you feel more confident about moving forward. The last thing you want to do is scramble for a solution when the worst happens.
Position Yourself to Learn from the Outcome: I won’t lie to you, sometimes things won’t go the way you planned but that doesn’t equate to failure. Learn from the outcome, whatever it is. Even the most embarrassing setback can be a great opportunity to make changes and grow. When you understand that “failure” is an opportunity for growth and not a death sentence, then you have conquered the fear of failure.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10000 ways that won’t work.” ~Thomas A. Edison.
FINAL WORDS
To overcome fear of failure, you must figure out the source of the fear. It’s important to understand that we always have a choice: we can choose to be afraid or choose not to be.
Start setting small goals that will help build your confidence. Learn to evaluate the situation rationally, analyze the worst possible outcome and develop a contingency plan. By moving forward steadily, you will begin to overcome your fear.
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